So when talking about the MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) course, one of the first comments I hear is that it's too expensive. $450 is a lot of money and if you don't have insurance, that can be a car payment, food money or at this time of year,  Christmas gifts for family and friends. I totally get it.  While I don't want to list out the specific costs for MBSR teachers, I will try to explain the process and break down the reasons for the registration fees.

First, as you can imagine, there are quite a few overhead costs to providing an 8 week MBSR course. You need a large space (for folks to move their bodies, walk around, and form discussion groups), yoga mats, meditation pillows, handouts (it's around 30 pages!!), and teaching tools. You also have to rent a space for an entire day for the full day retreat! I won’t even get started on all the loose, natural fibre, flowing clothes we have to wear - just kidding....sort of.)

Second, to be a certified MBSR teacher, we have lots of training. We must have attended an 8 week MBSR course ourselves, as well as at least one five day silent retreat. We have also completed the  MBSR Teacher training (~40 hours), paid for our membership to the overseeing body (e.g., MBPTI) and have undergone, or are undergoing, 22 hours of clinical supervision. 

Third, many of us have professional degrees (e.g., MSW, MA, M.Ed, PhD, etc), and have affiliations to Professional Colleges (e.g., Ontario College for Social Work and Social Service Workers) for supervision, accountability, and insurance, as well as Professional Associations (e.g., Ontario Association of Social Workers) for professional development. We also have private insurance to cover any liabilities that may occur with our work with clients (no back bends on my watch!).

For some perspective, that is why many clinicians charge between $120-$170/hour for clinical counselling work. The costs of our insurance, professional certification, College fees, resources, rent, supervision and professional development really add up! 

Third, the MBSR course is ~28 hours and the course works out to being around $17/hour. It's an intensive program that requires your therapist or MBSR practitioner to "be on call" for the full 8 weeks. If there is an issue, we are trained to support you. If you need to talk about something that happened during the week related to your homework, or practice, we want to know about it and make the time to sit down with you. This work gets deep! We understand that finding the skills to bring your body and mind into a space of open awareness, stillness and focused attention can be HARD!  You want your Mindfulness Teacher to have the skills to work with and support you in the best way possible. 

Fourth, this course isn't just a workshop. It's a therapeutic program. If completed, it can have life changing results. However, to see those benefits, you have to fully commit, do the homework (meditation or mindful moving for 30 minutes a day) and be open to the possibility for change. For some, this may not be the right time, and I get that. I wasn’t ready three years ago when I had two small children, hadn’t slept more than 4 hours a night (for a year) and was finding it hard to take a shower more than once a week. But for those who have the “affluence” of space, childcare & time, learning how to change your relationship to stress and suffering, while improving your skills at emotional regulation are reason enough to commit to this process.

Finally, and as the old adage goes, "you get what you pay for"! You will find that a lot of practitioners are now offering mindfulness classes and workshops (I’m one of them). While many of us have undergone all the training listed above, some folks haven't. And that is not to say that they aren’t providing amazing services at a great price. However, different populations have different needs! We want to make sure that those offering therapeutic services have the supervision and educational background to provide evidenced based and ethical services. 

I provide a sliding scale for any individual wanting to take the course who doesn't have access to insurance. Generally, I ask folks to sit back and think about what this course is worth to them and what they can honestly afford.  I am also happy to take monthly instalments once the original deposit has been paid. If you would like more information about this program, please visit my home page - there are links to the MBSR course, information sheet and registration process. 

Hopefully, this cleared up some of the questions your may have had. Again, my purpose in writing this isn’t to defend the costs, rather it is to outline what it is you may be paying for when signing up for an MBSR 8 week program. I’m a big fan of transparency!

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any further questions!

Wishing you all fabulously well and looking forward to hearing from you,
​Rebekka 

I love watching my babes climb and explore their environment, and this usually involves some pretty intense heights, edges and speed. My personal favourite line that I use with my kids is, "do you feel safe?". I have also worked hard to scaffold their adventuring by teaching them these 5 "rules" for climbing. To date, these little rules have made being in parks, around trees and in the forest so much more fun! 

1. Is the branch thicker than your thigh?
2. Belly to the bark.
3. 3 points of contact: 2 feet, one hand or two hands, one foot.
4 don't climb higher than what you can climb down - mama won't "help" (I will coach). 
5. Mama doesn't help little people climb something above their pay grade. 

My kids recite the first 4 rules to me regularly and I can truly say, they are spectacular climbers of all things high. The last rule, while perhaps a little hard, is firm! 

I want my kids to push their boundaries and find their edges, but to do this, I need to step back. I also want them to trust and develop their skills. This can't happen if I help them to move beyond their capabilities too early! 

All this to say, I really love these phrases offered up on this post and I intend to add many of these gems to my repertoire! What tricks do you have to help your little people feel brave?

I've said it before, but parenting is so hard. 

Last night, I flipped my lid after the sixth time of walking away, breathing deeply and practicing every tool I had (and given what I do, I have many tools in the ole parenting box). In the end, I raged. I was tired. I felt sick. I hadn't meditated or exercised because I had been working all day, In short, my spirit bowl was dry and as it turns out, I was human. 

Was my behaviour okay? 

No. 

I yelled, I was big and I said things that were unhelpful and untrue. But, then I caught myself. After many deeeeeeeeep breaths, I realized that I was behaving no better. I was asking my five year old to control his big emotions, when I couldn't control my own. 

Yes, this comes after a day of keeping my cool in the face of multiple stresses with this little human. Yes, our kids need to understand that there is a limit. Yes, I can't be expected to be "perfect" at all times. However, my yelling and the using of my own physicality to exert power, modelled a lack of control. 

Once I caught myself, I walked away, checked in with myself and calmed down. Immediately after, my child came to me with a request for connection and apologies. But this time, we both apologized. We both wrote sorry notes. We both brainstormed strategies for keeping our cool. We both felt an incredible need to be close. 

Now, does this loss of control happen often? Thankfully no. If it did, this article would be a wake up call for me. Children push us to our edges so often that I completely understand, and empathize with the parent who flips his or her lid. However, there can be no room for unchecked aggression. There can be no room for using our physicality to exert fear upon these little bodies. There can be no room for abuse, emotional, physical or the like. 

Now, as a mom, social worker, and parent educator, I hold myself to a higher degree when it comes to self control and parenting, but last night, exhaustion and a lack of self care got the better of me. In my apology note to my son, I wrote that I "will do better". And I think that there is room for all of us to do just that. We screw up. We own it. We do better to make sure it doesn't happen again. 

So my friends, if this article resonates with you - if you feel that you're losing control a lot (2-3 times a week) - please seek help. I'm here to talk to and strategize about positive parenting tools. At the very least, perhaps we can find some resources for you. 

In solidarity, 
Rebekka

Ps: the strategies we came up with we're: 1) mama was going to exercise and practice some self care, 2) we were both going to meditate tomorrow, 3) we're going to STOP (stop, take a breath, observe our body feelings and proceed with KINDNESS, and 4) we were both going to bed early. 

So here is why I practice mindful parenting… 
​
This morning began like many of those that preceded it. We wake up. I meditate. I make lunches. We make breakfast. I navigate multiple potentially volatile interactions between siblings and parents. I hustle the kids to X-country... and here is where we veered off path…

My eldest, after reminding me how much he despises x-country running, proceeds to say that he hates me. We get back into the car to go to school and he continues to fume. We park the car. He tells me that he can’t wait to move out and once again that I’m the worst mom in the world. I take a deep, glorious breath. I remind myself that this isn’t personal.

I tell my son that I get it. He’s angry because he has to do something that he hates. I get that he feels like I’m punishing him because I won’t let him quit. I remind him that we both signed up for this; he signed up to run and I signed up to volunteer. And although we may not like it, we need follow through. We cannot quit. I then said - and this is the magical mindful parenting moment - that I can take his anger. I love him so much that I will hold his frustration and anger. When he’s ready, I’ll also be here. We can talk and figure this out together. I give him a kiss on his head and tell him to “be brave, be kind, be present”.

And then he goes to school. 

One would think that this is enough for one morning, but wait for it … there’s more. 

I take my second child up to the kinder yard. I say, “be brave, be kind, be present” and he flinches. For some, unexplained reason, some incredibly “5 year old” reason, he gets upset. He begins to walk away. Well, walk is too kind a word, it’s more like a quick dash in the wrong direction. I pull him back (which sets him off even more - he’s not one to be cornered to pulled), and I tell him that I will let go when he agrees to sit down. I explain that I’m not mad. I understand that he’s angry, but we need to talk and I need him to sit. He sits. 

We chat briefly, but he can’t put into words what is making him so angry. The result?  

He gets up and darts down the street, away from school. I now have to chase him ever so cooly, coffee in hand and smiling at every parent who passes me (going the “right” direction). We wish one another a lovely morning, they see me "walking" in the wrong direction after my son, and then they give me that, “you’ve got this” head nod. 

I catch up to him and take my second glorious breath of the morning. I chug my coffee and think about how I just want to grab him and drag him into school. I play this out in my head and know this would  … not go well. So instead, I STOP (Stop. Take a breath. Observe what’s happening in my body. Proceed with kindness). 

I tell him that I put a secret surprise in his lunch (egg salad AND macaroni - his two favourites). I suggest we walk around the entire block (it’s pretty large), chat and then go to school. He begins to calm down. He grabs a stick, we talk about what will be happening after school: haircuts, play, Scouts… I continue to breathe, drink my coffee and put one foot in front of the other. 

15 minutes late, my son walks into his classroom. He gives me a kiss and tells me that he loves me. It’s as though nothing has happened! 

THIS, my friends, is why children are our best teachers. This morning, when my children threw down the gauntlet, the breaths I took created the space I needed to respond as a compassionate adult and not be drawn into their emotional chaos. Both of my children went to school knowing that their mom loved them. There were no threats. No harm was done. The consequences were natural (eldest still showed up to run and the youngest still went into school) and all it took was an extra 15 minutes of my day, two deep glorious breaths, a community that supported me with a knowing nod, and a cup of really good coffee.

What strategies are you using to keep calm? What would you have done in the same situation? I’d love to hear from you.

Many participants of the Mindful Parenting Workshop wanted more time. And so, I created a two part workshop!

This workshop is geared for parents, caregivers and teachers. 
​
The first week will introduce you to the importance of self care, mindfulness, and meditation. Using your real life experiences as our guide, we will share our parenting struggles, which sets the stage to learn practical tools the following week.

The 2nd workshop dives into the practical parenting tools. We will revisit meditation, mindful moving, and then learn mindful parenting strategies, that include exploring a large library of useful books, games and resources that I use to teach mindfulness in the school and in my parenting sessions.

It is a great introduction to mindfulness and mindful parenting. It requires two Tuesdays, a yoga mat and an open mind. I would love to chat with you more about the possibility of working with you!

Date:
Tuesday, September 26 and October 3 from 6:30-8:30pm or
Tuesday, October 10 and October 17 from 6:30-8:30pm

​Location: 
at Surround Circle Yoga (15 Aylmer Avenue).

What to Bring: 
 Yoga mat, water bottle, notebook and pen

Looking forward to hearing from you!
​Rebekka 

Parents often ask me for resources and the truth is, I'm a HUGE fan of the ole parenting book. I love reading other "experts" opinions and rational for said opinions. I also love just getting new books. It's a dangerous habit to say the least. The good news, is that after 8 years of parenting, I have amassed a rather enormous library of helpful, not so helpful and really rather ridiculous books. And now, I can save you some time and tell you about a few of my "go to" faves. 

​The following are also suggested readings for my MBSR course.  

1. Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne
This is one of my most favourite books I've read lately as it gave me the inspiration to really toss out so much of our emotional, environmental, societal and familial "clutter". After reading it, I sat down with my partner and really set out a game plan to "simplify" our physical, emotional and mental worlds. It was like having someone give me permission to "say no" and put my needs and my family needs above everything else. I still refer back to it when I start to feel emotionally and physically cluttered. It's one of those books that I buy for friends and family. 

2. ready, set breathe: Practicing Mindfulness with Your Children for Fewer Meltdowns and a More Peaceful Family by Carla Naumburg, phD
This is probably the book that started me on my journey to mindfulness. I came across it in the library and it was my first foray into Mindful Parenting (but not my first experience with Mindfulness. After reading Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn, I was inspired to use Mindfulness throughout my group therapy sessions when working with women and men suffering with PTSD and issues around sexual trauma). I loved the extraordinarily simple but effective tools that she sprinkled (rather heavily) throughout the book. I've not visited it for a while and after writing this little post, intend to read it again. 

3. The Mindful Child: How to Help Your Kid Manage Stress and Become Happier, Kinder, and More Compassionate by Susan Kaiser Greenland
Susan Kaiser Greenland is a favourite author of mine. She also wrote Mindful Games which has been a staple for my Mindfulness in the Classroom program. Her phrases, "is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?" have been catch phrases for me as a mindful parent. When my kids are in the throes of "suffering" we often come back to this and once things have calmed down, can use these phrases to focus the discipline of the moment. Kaiser Greenland has also interspersed her text with highly useful games that are great at home and in the classroom. I would suggest it for all teachers and parents alike. 

4. Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Dan Siegel, MD & Mary Hartzell,M.Ed.
For all of you who like to take the academic, heady approach to parenting, Dan Siegel is your guy. I've read quite a few books of his and while all of them are excellent, this is a classic for a reason. It's a foundational book that challenges parents to think of their own experiences as those that inform their parenting. It walks you through the fundamentals of attachment and brain science, and provides you with concrete skill building exercises to help you raise compassionate, mindful and securely attached little people. Other excellent books of Siegel's include, Whole Brain Child  and  No Drama Discipline. I really loved both of these as well and would strongly encourage the workbook if you are looking for something more "hands on". 

All of these books can be picked up at your local library. However, feel free to purchase them by clicking them on the links below! 

Happy happy reading! 
Rebekka 

It's Tuesday morning and for many of us, this means that we are getting ready to send our children to their very first day of school. So this morning, I woke up a little earlier than my "summer usual", slowly meandered downstairs and sat on my zafu with the intention to meditate. Although I didn't do my full 30-40 minutes, I did a short breathing meditation (focused) and ... 

It. was. glorious! 

And so, I'd like to invite you to join me between 6-7am to share a virtual meditation space. It's a wonderful way to start a day and I find that a short 15-20 meditation can carry me through waves of challenging parenting moments with compassion and reflective response! 

If you are interested in finding out these benefits for yourself, I can send you a formal invitation. Perhaps we can start our own, be brave * be kind * be present meditation group for parents and caregivers on "insight meditation". Although I would hate for you to limit yourself just to sitting meditation. Yoga and walking meditations are equally mindful. Simply drop a note to let me know you're there and I'll send you a BKP message!  

The purpose of this group is community. 

Looking forward to hearing from and seeing you online! 
In kindness,
Rebekka

Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting**, talks about "soul fevers". I love this concept!

It's the idea that when kids aren't physically well, we pull them close, slow things down and let them heal. When kids are emotionally unwell, he suggests that we need to do the same.

A child who is acting out or pulling away may be having a "soul fever" and one of the best things that we can do is pull them close (or give them space), slow things down and give them time to heal.

In other words, kids need mental health days too.

By teaching them the skill of self-care, we are inviting them to check in with their bodies and make appropriate changes to their schedule that will allow them to bounce back. This is something many of us adults are just learning! I get that this may seem indulgent and goes against the "pull up your boot straps" mentality, but I strongly believe that resilience emerges from a balance between care and stress.

Teaching our children to trust their bodies, know when to change the situation to minimize their anxieties and stress and then make conscious choices of self-care are beautiful life skills. By teaching them this now, we are also showing our children that we trust them and that we are a village that supports them.

What are ways that you teach your child self care? How do you employ self care in your own world?

This post was inspired by this article: www.scarymommy.com/kids-need-mental-health-days/?utm_medium=partner&utm_source=gottman

Check it out! 

​** Simplicity Parenting is one of my favourite parenting books. Please check it out at your local library or if you'd like, click on the link below to purchase it. Payne's work has  inspired us to simplify our schedule, routine and environment and we can already see the positive effects that have arisen since.