Sitting with the “ick” (aka: the feels)

So this week has been a little gross emotionally for me. I shed some epic tears, raged to my family and sister (one was more productive/healthier than the other), and sat with all the FEELS trying to add a little DOSE of intention and compassion. It was hard, and the shame, anger, frustration, fear, exhaustion, and general "ick” of it all kind of shook me to the core. Thankfully, however, my people get me and still love me, despite the ruptures, and no one tried to fix it or tell me to get over it (well, almost no one). 

Magically (or not so magically as this is what I teach, day in and day out), allowing myself to sit with the feels and explore them with a little intention and compassion opened up space for an emotional shift. And finally, this morning I felt softer, clearer and a little lighter. 

When this happens, I like to begin with a little gratitude and then dive into my pandemic routine (this isn't my first pony ride in experiencing the emotional rollercoaster - I’m getting pretty good at mapping the shifts)!! 

Here is what I came up with: 

2-minute intention/gratitude meditation

Gratitude: I’m thankful for my sister’s ability to listen and not fix, my friend’s beautiful backyard that allowed us to chat, socially distanced style, and share an (almost) moment of normal, and my kids for showing up and loving me despite the emotional chaos). 

Intention: Walking with acceptance of the feels

Make bed
Pour coffee
Walk Togo the wonder pup. 
Drink cold coffee (as Togo almost ALWAYS has to go to the bathroom once I’ve poured the coffee)
Read “oxygen mask on first inspiring book” for 10 minutes (today’s book is “the gift of imperfection” by Brené Brown
Eat perfect porridge
Connect with kids
Clean kitchen
Make a charcuterie board (aka: meat and veggie tray) for the kidlets who have been parenting/feeding themselves for the last two days)
Shower and put on happy pants/comfy therapy shirt. 
Check emails and write for 10 minutes. 

I find this little routine grounding. It’s like making my bed in the morning - it doesn’t demand much of me, I can control it and it sets me up for a good day. Interestingly enough, I didn’t do the O2 tasks (meditation, reading, connecting, feeding, showering) on those "ick" days and perhaps they wouldn’t have been so “ick” if I had.... mental note to add this to my mapping of shifts.) 
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So friends, if this week has dropped you to your knees, I get it. It’s been rough. And if you need someone who can listen and not fix, I’m here and I’m now in the space to offer it up.

But if there is one big takeaway for me, it’s that it’s the combination of feeling the feels with a little intention, compassion and safety, coupled with those nervous system gratitude grounding routines that helped me shift from the disconnected, "emotional fetal position" space I was in yesterday, to the connected, “it’s going to be okay and I can do this” space that I’m in now. 

I’d love to know how you’re doing. 

I’d love to know what routines you have in play to get your nervous system back in a ventral/sunny/“I got this” space. 

Until then, please be well and know that we’re in this together.