I love watching my babes climb and explore their environment, and this usually involves some pretty intense heights, edges and speed. My personal favourite line that I use with my kids is, "do you feel safe?". I have also worked hard to scaffold their adventuring by teaching them these 5 "rules" for climbing. To date, these little rules have made being in parks, around trees and in the forest so much more fun! 

1. Is the branch thicker than your thigh?
2. Belly to the bark.
3. 3 points of contact: 2 feet, one hand or two hands, one foot.
4 don't climb higher than what you can climb down - mama won't "help" (I will coach). 
5. Mama doesn't help little people climb something above their pay grade. 

My kids recite the first 4 rules to me regularly and I can truly say, they are spectacular climbers of all things high. The last rule, while perhaps a little hard, is firm! 

I want my kids to push their boundaries and find their edges, but to do this, I need to step back. I also want them to trust and develop their skills. This can't happen if I help them to move beyond their capabilities too early! 

All this to say, I really love these phrases offered up on this post and I intend to add many of these gems to my repertoire! What tricks do you have to help your little people feel brave?

I've said it before, but parenting is so hard. 

Last night, I flipped my lid after the sixth time of walking away, breathing deeply and practicing every tool I had (and given what I do, I have many tools in the ole parenting box). In the end, I raged. I was tired. I felt sick. I hadn't meditated or exercised because I had been working all day, In short, my spirit bowl was dry and as it turns out, I was human. 

Was my behaviour okay? 

No. 

I yelled, I was big and I said things that were unhelpful and untrue. But, then I caught myself. After many deeeeeeeeep breaths, I realized that I was behaving no better. I was asking my five year old to control his big emotions, when I couldn't control my own. 

Yes, this comes after a day of keeping my cool in the face of multiple stresses with this little human. Yes, our kids need to understand that there is a limit. Yes, I can't be expected to be "perfect" at all times. However, my yelling and the using of my own physicality to exert power, modelled a lack of control. 

Once I caught myself, I walked away, checked in with myself and calmed down. Immediately after, my child came to me with a request for connection and apologies. But this time, we both apologized. We both wrote sorry notes. We both brainstormed strategies for keeping our cool. We both felt an incredible need to be close. 

Now, does this loss of control happen often? Thankfully no. If it did, this article would be a wake up call for me. Children push us to our edges so often that I completely understand, and empathize with the parent who flips his or her lid. However, there can be no room for unchecked aggression. There can be no room for using our physicality to exert fear upon these little bodies. There can be no room for abuse, emotional, physical or the like. 

Now, as a mom, social worker, and parent educator, I hold myself to a higher degree when it comes to self control and parenting, but last night, exhaustion and a lack of self care got the better of me. In my apology note to my son, I wrote that I "will do better". And I think that there is room for all of us to do just that. We screw up. We own it. We do better to make sure it doesn't happen again. 

So my friends, if this article resonates with you - if you feel that you're losing control a lot (2-3 times a week) - please seek help. I'm here to talk to and strategize about positive parenting tools. At the very least, perhaps we can find some resources for you. 

In solidarity, 
Rebekka

Ps: the strategies we came up with we're: 1) mama was going to exercise and practice some self care, 2) we were both going to meditate tomorrow, 3) we're going to STOP (stop, take a breath, observe our body feelings and proceed with KINDNESS, and 4) we were both going to bed early.