When flipping your lid turns into something more.

I've said it before, but parenting is so hard. 

Last night, I flipped my lid after the sixth time of walking away, breathing deeply and practicing every tool I had (and given what I do, I have many tools in the ole parenting box). In the end, I raged. I was tired. I felt sick. I hadn't meditated or exercised because I had been working all day, In short, my spirit bowl was dry and as it turns out, I was human. 

Was my behaviour okay? 

No. 

I yelled, I was big and I said things that were unhelpful and untrue. But, then I caught myself. After many deeeeeeeeep breaths, I realized that I was behaving no better. I was asking my five year old to control his big emotions, when I couldn't control my own. 

Yes, this comes after a day of keeping my cool in the face of multiple stresses with this little human. Yes, our kids need to understand that there is a limit. Yes, I can't be expected to be "perfect" at all times. However, my yelling and the using of my own physicality to exert power, modelled a lack of control. 

Once I caught myself, I walked away, checked in with myself and calmed down. Immediately after, my child came to me with a request for connection and apologies. But this time, we both apologized. We both wrote sorry notes. We both brainstormed strategies for keeping our cool. We both felt an incredible need to be close. 

Now, does this loss of control happen often? Thankfully no. If it did, this article would be a wake up call for me. Children push us to our edges so often that I completely understand, and empathize with the parent who flips his or her lid. However, there can be no room for unchecked aggression. There can be no room for using our physicality to exert fear upon these little bodies. There can be no room for abuse, emotional, physical or the like. 

Now, as a mom, social worker, and parent educator, I hold myself to a higher degree when it comes to self control and parenting, but last night, exhaustion and a lack of self care got the better of me. In my apology note to my son, I wrote that I "will do better". And I think that there is room for all of us to do just that. We screw up. We own it. We do better to make sure it doesn't happen again. 

So my friends, if this article resonates with you - if you feel that you're losing control a lot (2-3 times a week) - please seek help. I'm here to talk to and strategize about positive parenting tools. At the very least, perhaps we can find some resources for you. 

In solidarity, 
Rebekka

Ps: the strategies we came up with we're: 1) mama was going to exercise and practice some self care, 2) we were both going to meditate tomorrow, 3) we're going to STOP (stop, take a breath, observe our body feelings and proceed with KINDNESS, and 4) we were both going to bed early. 

https://www.bustle.com/p/how-can-you-tell-if-your-parents-are-emotionally-abusive-these-are-the-signs-of-emotional-abuse-according-to-experts-2991680?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=owned&utm_campaign=bustle&utm_term=share